"There's a Whole Lot on My Mind" 9-20-04

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Alright, so it's been a really long time since I've ranted. Perhaps I've been mellowed now that I have a girlfriend who yells at me when I get angry. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Yeah, that's probably it. Anyway, this is going to be a special little rant. There's a lot of little (and some not so little) issues that have been irking me or just generally peaking my interest. So we have a little trail mix of ideas and ramblings thrown into one special little rant. Enjoy, vultures.

If you are a girl with an ugly face, please do not wear hot clothes. I don't care how nice your body is. There is something both confusing and disturbing that takes place in my brain when a girl with the face of a bulldog is wearing a halter top and pants that clearly define the shape of her butt. Ugly people should not draw attention to their physical appearance. Wear some baggy jeans and a sweatshirt.

This next thing will shock some people. Others already know of this Childhood Conspiracy so please, bear with me. The two famous childhood songs Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and the Alphabet Song (does that song actually have a name? Is it The ABCs or The Alphabet Song or something different?) have the same tune. That's right, these are really the same song with different words. Ever notice that? It kinda makes me angry that the adults were so lazy they couldn't even come up with different tunes for songs to entertain and educate me during my childhood. It's this big conspiracy of similarity or something. And for those of you reading this that never noticed... you feel cheated, don't you? A little betrayed, maybe? Exactly.

A quick sports departure: Todd Zeile will be retiring at the end of this season. It is a little sad to see a guy like him go. A guy like Zeile is no Hall of Fame player, but he has had a long, successful career. It is unfortunate he is finishing his career on a horrible team. There is no fanfare, hardly any mention of him at all. The man has 2,000 hits, more than 200 home runs, and has been a solid player for 11 different teams in his career. I would like to see a guy like him get a little more publicity, but I doubt that will happen.

I will not be voting in November. It is not that I do not care about the future of our country. Quite frankly, I do not think either candidate is qualified to lead the country and I don't subscribe to the "lesser of two evils" theory. Crap is crap. Just because one turd stinks more than the other doesn't make it less turd-like. But here's my real problem: I'm sick of these liberal douche morons that are attacking Bush every chance they get.

Bush had done a lot of dumb things. Some call him stupid, some call him evil. But these idiots to whom I'm referring call him a rich, spoiled kid that got by because of his dad. They create phony memos detailing his military experience. They twist the truth, make up stories, and resort to childish name-calling that does nothing but create a backlash that will ultimately cost John Kerry the election. That's right, you obnoxious protesting clowns who hate Bush so much are going to give him another four years and that makes me laugh like a hyena. A hyena that is very amused. Some advice from a very wise man (that's me): Shut up, stop wasting everyone's time, and vote for John Kerry. Better yet, do something really stupid. Vote for Ralph Nader.

This is not in relation to anything specific, but I'm often reminded of a great Robert DeNiro quote from The Score. "When was it you started thinking you were better than me?" At the risk of sounding incredibly arrogant (and we all know I'm extremely modest and humble), I want to say this to people really often. People ought to realize one very important thing about me: I will not make a strong point about something unless I'm right. I do not like being wrong. So if I am unsure about something I will not put up a fight. But if I do put up a fight, listen to me because in time you will realize I'm right. Of course, being the humble gentleman I am I would never point out just how right I was.

On an unrelated note: Brett Favre forced a pass and helped cost his team the game against the Bears. Intruiging.

Another unrelated note: While I have never been a ladies man (of course Violet digs me, but I'm speaking generally), I am very aware of how relationships work and when something is not a real relationship. But it seems people are starting to learn.

If a person likes a song so much, you would think they would take the time to learn the name of the freaking song. I am tired of firing up iTunes and seeing these wrong titles on very popular songs. Just because you don't know the song title does not mean the title is the most-repeated chorus line. Half the time these morons don't even have the lyrics right. I want to stab these people in the eyes with toothpicks.

Even worse is when they get the artist wrong. "I'm Half the Man I Used to Be" is not the title of the song and Nirvana didn't perform it. Fools.

Note to all aspiring baseball managers: When up 5 runs in the bottom of the 9th, there is no reason to make a call to the bullpen with 2 outs. This is especially true when your team is all but eliminated from playoff contention.

Another note to those managers: Do not hinder the development of your young players by playing aging .210 hitters who are free agents after the season. This is pointless and in no way does it help the team in the present or the future.

That's it, I'm done ranting for now. But I'll be back... trust me... I WILL be back.