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"HAMBURGERS!"
If real people spoke this way, I'd pay more attention to what they have to say.
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One of my personal favorite sections from the old site was my Movie Quote section. The section is back and all the old favorites are here. As with everything else, things are designed a little bit differently. Now all the quotes are alphabetical by movie title, and not listed chronologically. Also, the newest quotes will be placed at the very top. As with before, I will still be using one-liners and monologues. While some of my favorite movie moments involve back-and-forth banter, I'm limiting this page to uninterrupted speeches, both long and short.
NEW MOVIE QUOTES (10/1/05)
Caddyshack (1980)
"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid." - Rodney Dangerfield
"IT'S IN THE HOLE!" - Bill Murray
"Let's go, while we're young!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Almost Famous (2000)
"I am a golden god!" - Billy Crudup
"From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in." - Billy Crudup
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." - Philip Seymour Hoffman
"Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends." - Kate Hudson
"I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella." - Jimmy Fallon
American History X (1998)
"Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it." - Edward Furlong
"Has anything you've done made your life better?" - Avery Brooks
American Psycho (2000)
"My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfil my needs." - Christian Bale
"I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip." - Christian Bale
"I have to return some videotapes." - Christian Bale
Army of Darkness (1993)
"Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up: THIS... is my BOOM STICK!" - Bruce Campbell
"First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow." - Bruce Campbell
"Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures." - Bruce Campbell
"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun." - Bruce Campbell
Big Lebowski, The (1998)
"Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!" - Jeff Bridges
"Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man!" - Jeff Bridges
"Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules." - John Goodman
"Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing." - Jeff Bridges
"Lets not forget, Dude ,that keeping wildlife, um...an amphibious rodent, for...um, ya know domestic...within the city...that ain't legal either." - John Goodman
Billy Madison (1995)
"No I will not make out with you! You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, people, not to make out with you! Go on with the chlorophyll!" - Adam Sandler
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it." - James Downey
Bronx Tale, A (1993)
"The saddest thing in life is wasted talent" - Robert DeNiro
"You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her." - Chazz Palminteri
Brothers McMullen, The (1995)
"I like being a pessimist. It helps me deal with my inevitable failure." - Edward Burns
"I don't need any new ideas. I'm confused enough already." - Mike McGlone
"Repression is not such a bad thing." - Mike McGlone
Casablanca (1942)
"I stick my neck out for nobody." - Humphrey Bogart
"Here's looking at you, kid." - Humphrey Bogart
Casino (1995)
"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night." - Joe Pesci
"I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me a name." - Joe Pesci
"When you love someone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point?" - Robert DeNiro
"If you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fucking head in front of everyone in the bank. And just about the time I get out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. But guess what? I'll crack your fucking head again! 'Cause I'm fucking stupid! I don't give a fuck about jail! That's my business. That's what I do." - Joe Pesci
"This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee!" - Joe Pesci
Chinatown (1974)
"You're dumber than you think I think you are." - Jack Nicholson
"I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it." - Jack Nicholson
"He passed away two weeks ago and one week ago he bought the land. That's unusual." - Jack Nicholson
Devil in a Blue Dress (1995)
"A man once told me that you step out of your door in the morning, and you are already in trouble. The only question is are you on top of that trouble or not?" - Denzel Washington
"You said don't shoot him, right? Well I didn't; I strangled him." - Don Cheadle
Dogma (1999)
"You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower" - Chris Rock
"Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence." - Salma Hayek
Donnie Darko (2001)
"I promise one day everything will be better for you." - Jake Gyllenhaal
"How exactly does one suck a fuck?!" - Jake Gyllenhaal
"Every creature on this earth dies alone." - Patience Cleveland
Dut yeung nin wa/In the Mood for Love (2000)
"You notice things if you pay attention." - Maggie Cheung
"Feelings can creep up just like that." - Tony Leung Chiu Wai
Four Rooms (1995)
"Problem? I haven't got a problem. I've got fucking problems. Plural." - Tim Roth
"Everybody starts out as strangers... It's where we end up that counts." - Jennifer Beals
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
"The world's my oyster." - George Clooney
"Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." - George Clooney
Ghostbusters (1984)
"I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought." - Harold Ramis
"Listen! You smell something?" - Dan Aykroyd
"I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me." - Bill Murray
"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!" - Ernie Hudson
Ghost World (2001)
"I used to think about one day just not telling anyone and going off to some random place, and I just...disappear, and they'd never see me again" - Thora Birch
"I can't relate to 99% of humanity." - Steve Buscemi
"People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better." - Steve Buscemi
"You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't relate to other people, so you fill your life with stuff..." - Steve Buscemi
"Look at me. I'm not even listening to a word you're saying." - Thora Birch
"Everyone's too stupid!" - Thora Birch
"Only stupid people have good relationships." - Thora Birch
Godfather, The (1972)
"Women are more dangerous than shotguns." - Angelo Infanti
"I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men." - Marlon Brando
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." - Al Pacino
Goodfellas (1990)
"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." - Ray Liotta
"But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?" - Joe Pesci
Graduate, The (1967)
"If you don't mind my saying so, this conversation is getting a little strange." - Dustin Hoffman
"Do you have some sort of personal hatred for me or is it just my beliefs that you don't stand for?" - Murray Hamilton
Happy Gilmore (1996)
"Damn you people. Go back to your shanties." - Christopher McDonald
"You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact." - Adam Sandler
"If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass." - Adam Sandler
Heat (1995)
"I am alone. I'm not lonely." - Robert DeNiro
"A guy once told me, 'Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.'" - Robert DeNiro
"I am double the worst trouble you ever thought of." - Robert DeNiro
Independence Day (1996)
"Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!" - Harry Connick Jr.
"I'm just a little anxious to get up there and whup E.T.'s ass, that's all." - Will Smith
"Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it is fate that today is the fourth of July and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist! And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!'" - Bill Pullman
Jackie Brown (1997)
"I'm as serious as a heart attack." - Samuel L. Jackson
"My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass." - Samuel L. Jackson
"AK-47. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room. Accept no substitutes." - Samuel L. Jackson
"Girl, don't make me put my foot in your ass." - Samuel L. Jackson
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
"Wiggle your big toe." - Uma Thurman
"Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with Samurai swords." - Lucy Liu
Memento (2000)
"We all have nightmares to remind ourselves who we really are." - Guy Pearce
"How can I remember to forget you?" - Guy Pearce
"The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it?" - Guy Pearce
"Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts." - Guy Pearce
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
"This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who." - Michael Palin
"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." - John Cleese
"Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you." - Michael Palin
"We are the Knights who say... NI!" - Michael Palin
"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'" - Michael Palin
"Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastard. Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off." - John Cleese
Mulholland Drive (2001)
"Just forget you ever saw it. It's better that way." - Billy Ray Cyrus
"A man's attitude goes some ways toward how a man's life will be" - Lafayette Montgomery
Natural Born Killers (1994)
"I realized my true calling in life... I'm a natural born killer." - Woddy Harrelson
"Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, 'Why have you done this to me?' And the snake answered, 'Look, bitch you knew I was a snake.'" - Russell Means
Old School (2003)
"Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?" - Bryan Callen
On the Waterfront (1954)
"Hey, you wanna hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you." - Marlon Brando
"Quit worrying about the truth all the time and start worrying about yourself." - Marlon Brando
"He doesn't need a doctor. He needs a priest." - John F. Hamilton
Professional, The (1994)
"It's when you start to become really afraid of death that you learn to appreciate life." - Gary Oldman
Pulp Fiction (1994)
"HAMBURGERS...the cornerstone of every nutritious breakfast!" - Samuel L. Jackson
"No one needs to know about this except you, me and Mr. Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain-rapist here." - Ving Rhames
"That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth five dollars but it's pretty fucking good." - John Travolta
"I thought you were gonna be cool. When you yell at me, it makes me nervous. When I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers get accidentally shot." - Samuel L. Jackson
"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions." - Samuel L. Jackson
"Oh, you ready to blow? Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker! Everytime my fingers touch brain I'm Superfly TNT, I'm the Guns of the Navarone. IN FACT, what the fuck am I doing in the back? You the motherfucker should be on brain detail! We fucking switching, I'm washing the windows and you picking up this nigger's skull!" - Samuel L. Jackson
"Isn't it more exciting when you don't have permission?" - Uma Thurman
"Now if you're excuse me, I'm gonna go home and have a heart attack." - John Travolta
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
"You don't need proof when you've got instinct" - Lawrence Tierney
"If you're talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch!" - Michael Madsen
"You shoot me in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologize." - Harvey Keitel
"Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't." - Michael Madsen
"Where's the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt." - Steve Buscemi
"Alright ramblers, let's get rambling." - Lawrence Tierney
"Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?" - Michael Madsen
"If they hadn't done... what I told 'em not to do... they'd still be alive." - Michael Madsen
Ronin (1998)
"Of course I'm afraid. You think I'm reluctant because I'm happy?" - Robert DeNiro
"Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt." - Robert DeNiro
"I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of." - Robert DeNiro
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
"You don't know when to shut up. You don't know how to shut up!" - Tom Sizemore
"Things have taken a turn for the surreal." - Tom Hanks
Score, The (2001)
"When was it you started thinking you were better than me?" - Robert DeNiro
Se7en (1995)
"Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with me finds me disagreeable." - Morgan Freeman
"It's impressive to see a man feeding off his emotions." - Morgan Freeman
"C'mon, he's insane. Look. Right now he's probably dancing around in his grandma's panties, yeah, rubbing himself in peanut butter." - Brad Pitt
"You're no messiah. You're a movie of the week. You're a fucking t-shirt, at best." - Brad Pitt
"I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading 'Guns and Ammo', masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, 'Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!'? Yeah. Do you guys do that?" - Brad Pitt
"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention." - Kevin Spacey
Shadow of a Doubt (1943)
"What's the use of looking backward? What's the use of looking ahead? Today's the thing -- that's my philosophy. Today." - Joseph Cotton
Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." - Morgan Freeman
"These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyways." - Morgan Freeman
"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Tim Robbins
Shining , The (1980)
"Here's JOHNNY!" - Jack Nicholson
Snake Eyes (1998)
"Because I didn't have to know! You decided to have this problem, not me! My world would've gone on turning just fine, but now, either way I look, I have to do something that I don't wanna do. Do you I understand, I do not wanna do this!" - Nicholas Cage
Super Troopers (2001)
"Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?" - Kevin Heffernan
"I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet." - Brian Cox
"Do I look like a cat to you? Do you see me jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Do I lick milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?!" - Paul Soter
"You crapped on my heart." - Paul Soter
Swingers (1996)
"You're so money and you don't even know it!" - Vince Vaughn
"The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?" - Jon Favreau
"I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne." - Vince Vaughn
"I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for Super Fan 99 over here." - Vince Vaughn
"Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot." - Jon Favreau
Taxi Driver (1976)
"Loneliness has been following me my whole life." - Robert DeNiro
"Someday a real rain will come and wipe this scum off the streets." - Robert DeNiro
"Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up." - Robert DeNiro
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to?" - Robert DeNiro
True Romance (1993)
"Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool." - Patricia Arquette
"That son of a bitch was right, she does taste like a peach." - Dennis Hopper
Truman Show, The (1998)
"We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented." - Ed Harris
Untouchables, The (1987)
"You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." - Robert DeNiro
Usual Suspects, The (1995)
"Tension is a killer." - Kevin Spacey
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." - Kevin Spacey
"How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?" - Kevin Spacey
"One cannot be betrayed if one has no people." - Pete Postlethwaite
"Oswald was a fag" - Stephen Baldwin
Van Wilder (2002)
"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super." - Ryan Reynolds
"Don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out alive." - Ryan Reynolds
Vertical Limit (2000)
"Don't mind her. She's French-Canadian. Some days she's Canadian. Can be quite pleasant. Today she's obviously French." - Robert Taylor
Waterboy, The (1998)
"Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don't do crack." - Lawrence Taylor
© Copyright 2003-2004 - All original material property of JD Koziarski.